


That night

by glowingatmosphere



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Introspection, Light Angst, references to Margot's surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowingatmosphere/pseuds/glowingatmosphere
Summary: Alana recalls comforting Margot on a tough night.
Relationships: Alana Bloom/Margot Verger
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	That night

The room is still dark when Alana wakes up. She can see a sliver of gray light in the space left by two heavy curtains that don’t quite meet. She’s used to the random bursts of pain that make her nerves vibrate, but sometimes they jolt her awake, making her chase after her own breath.

It’s only when the worst of it passes that she notices something missing from her arms. Last night she fell asleep with the comfortable weight of Margot’s head on her chest, Margot’s warm breath on her skin going into a slow, steady rhythm while Alana’s fingers played with Margot’s messy curls. She doesn’t remember when her fingers went still or when Margot rolled off of her.

Margot is trying to recover from her own suffering, and Alana desperately wishes that her words and hands were enough to induce healing. She knows that’s not how it works. Even when they talk about it, when Margot listens to Alana talk about how she copes with her pain, and Alana can see the clouds in Margot’s eyes part, Margot still struggles saying much. She just wants to be held, and Alana can do that.

She still makes mistakes though. Like last night, when she touched Margot’s scar on her belly and Margot froze. She looked up at the ceiling, avoiding the sight of her own body and Alana’s hand on it. Alana hated seeing her like that. It made her chest ache and gave her a belly ache, almost as if she could feel the scar on her own skin. She tried telling Margot how beautiful she is, how this one mark of cruelty on her body didn’t make her any less worthy of love and affection, but all her attempts were met with dismissal.

Alana knows that a few kind words won’t heal her girlfriend, but she wants to keep trying, she wants Margot to know that Alana means everything she says, even if Margot won’t accept it and refuses to listen.

Margot, in a moment of vulnerability, confessed how painful it was that the ability to have a child of her own was literally torn from her body. She knows that children don’t have to come from her own body to be hers. She made it clear when Alana attempted to comfort her by listing other options. She said that it’s about the horrific violation that her body went through, the forceful way her personal agency over her own body was stripped from her. She’s not grieving just the loss of a body part, but the loss of having the freedom and opportunity to make her own choice. And the absence of peace, replaced by intense nightmares that Alana had to hush and soothe in the middle of the night, even before that confession.

Alana’s heart broke for Margot that night. She can sense and relate to the nature of that pain, even if she has never experienced it. The urge to offer her own body for the sake of Margot’s peace overtakes Alana in moments like these. She has already offered her soul, giving her body in such a way is almost sacred, it makes her feel important for being able to do something like that for Margot. But she knows that’s not the point, and that’s not what Margot wants to hear when she’s grieving. Alana is afraid that vocalizing that idea is almost like bragging about having an opportunity that Margot doesn’t.

So that night, when Margot couldn’t talk anymore and just needed to be held, Alana kept her mouth closed and moved her lips only to kiss Margot’s forehead, and the corner of her eye, just before a rebellious tear cut through the mark that was in the shape of Alana’s lips. Alana wiped it away with her thumb, trailing her fingers down Margot’s cheek before she moved down to engulf Margot’s body in love.

She sighs quietly and reaches for Margot’s hand, risking to wake her up, but she doesn’t want to feel lonely right now. Margot gives a light squeeze and lets go, her fingers relaxing on the back of Alana’s hand. Alana smiles at Margot’s willingness to appease her, to reassure her that even if she can’t engage fully, she’s still there. Alana falls asleep again, feeling her palm rest comfortably on Margot’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you leave kudos/comments you'll have my eternal appreciation <3 many thanks to Jen and Jade for reading this over for me <3


End file.
